Driving home one night I checked a message on my phone. Mother Dearth said you weren't doing well; condition's gone to hell. Frantically I tried to verify your condition. But I could not establish a connection. When I arrived at home I paced back forth while I waited for her call. As my impatience grew I called the hospital to obtain a status on your health And I'm waiting; anticipating Muffeled tones; morbid mumblings. The doctor's coming The end is coming Then the doctor told me that you're...

...gone Death is so final I cannot believe that you are gone How did this happen? I thought you were fine; what could have gone wrong? Stuck in the moment of pain This reality; this constant circle I cannot re-link our chain And all the while the denial sets in Pain so intoxicating I’m reaching out for you but I’m grasping for straws Why have you left me? I try to resist but the pain is too strong Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change Courage to change the things I can And the wisdom to know the difference Life is so fragile The pieces of you have been reduced to shards Time has no meaning One minute you’re here and the next you are gone Stuck in the moment of pain This reality; this constant circle I cannot re-link our chain And all the while the denial sets in Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change Courage to change the things I can And the wisdom to know the difference Stuck in the moment of pain This reality; this constant circle I cannot re-link our chain And all the while the denial sets in Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change Courage to change the things I can And the wisdom to know the difference

Pressure Building Inside of me Serotonin levels rising Stagnation Growing anxiety Anger building inside of me A stranger is infiltrating me I walk this fragile line Deep within my mind I don’t know where to go Now that you’re not alive I’m filled with so much pain It’s starting to drive me insane I’m feeling so alone I can’t find my way back home

Mother if your reading this I’ve been feeling out of place. I can’t stand to see my face; as all I see is ignorance, emotional malnourishment, hatred and belligerence. I know you can’t-face the truth, my existence bares the proof. You provided me with life in order to validate creation of a conjugate for- your first born's loneliness. All my life I’ve lived a lie. I’ve an alternate personality. I can’t escape the elements of my memories though I’ve tried to feel as though I have erased the you from me. But in the mirror it’s abundantly clear that I only see your face. When you said I was nothing more than a specimen you suppressed my ability to process happiness because you lack the emotional intelligence to function on a level that is separate from your pyramid schemes, shopping network additions, political leanings and afflictions. All my life I’ve lived a lie. I’ve an alternate personality. I can’t escape the elements of my memories though I’ve tried to feel as though I have erased the you from me. But in the mirror it’s abundantly clear that I must eliminate hate you’ve endowed me with. When I want to erase the spots of you in my mind people tell me that I should forgive and forget However, they begin to understand when I tell them of your master plan to recruit me into your psycho babble patrol where you would ultimately isolate me within your control. Look what you’ve done to me I can’t stand to see my face because all I see you and the self hate you’ve endowed me with. (REPEAT) The Ritalin, Desipramine, and psycho-analysis’ was your solution to parenting. All my life I’ve lived a lie. I’ve an alternate personality. I can’t escape the elements of my memories though I’ve tried to feel as though I have erased the you from me. But in the mirror it’s abundantly clear that I have your eyes, skin tone and hair; but I have the capacity to care. When you’re erased from my memories I’ll no longer feel as though I have parts of you in me. And in the mirror I’ll finally see that I’ve finally come to peace with the outside I’ve rejected now that I’m projecting a greater sense of harmony with- the inside and outside me now that-your hatred, belligerence, emotional malnourishment, and elements of ignorance have been purged from me.